Save Your Marriage System: The Secret to Stop Divorce and Make Your Spouse Want You Back by Erin J. Stanley

Author:Erin J. Stanley [Stanley, Erin J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Erin J. Stanley
Published: 2014-07-19T00:00:00+00:00

8. Problem Stage – Your Spouse is Unhappy

Marriages have stages that the problems progress through. One stage is that your spouse has come to you and they have told you that they are not happy with the relationship and that things are not working out for them. They did not mention leaving you, but either way, this can be a situation that makes you panic.

How you react to the various problems stages is important, because the idea is to make sure that the relationship can be fixed at this stage and not progress to any of the further stages.

This is the easiest stage to deal with because they are simply telling you that things are not working. They are giving you a chance to fix things. This is a good sign.

The very fact that they are taking the time and effort to bring this to your attention means that they want to save the relationship; they are, in essence, telling you that they want your help to fix things. It would have been very easy for them to just leave you but they did not. Instead, they are speaking up.

This is the easiest stage to recover from because things have not degraded to the point where they are threatening to leave you. At this stage, if you work together, healing can, and usually does, happen.

First, do not panic. Do not dissolve into hysterics and begin to overreact. Remember, they came to you with their concerns rather than just giving up; this is something that should be filling you with hope, not despair.

If you overreact at this stage, it could very well push your spouse into moving into the next stage, where recovering from your problems will be more difficult, but still not impossible.

Panic is natural because whenever our body perceives a threat, in the form of stress, it floods the system with adrenaline. Adrenaline tells you that you need to act quickly, that you need to be prepared to fight or flight, and it puts you on instinct mode.

When you work on instinct, you tend to not use logic and you work strictly off your emotions. The problem is that this tendency to work off your adrenaline is that you make really poor decisions about the best course of action. Stay calm and let reason win out over emotion.

You need to also avoid arguing with your spouse. Arguing does nothing to help your case and it actually works against you. If you become defensive, arguing that your spouse is wrong and that there is nothing wrong and that if there was something wrong, it is more their fault than your fault, you are only going to be causing more problems.

If you want the relationship to work, you need to actively listen to what your spouse is telling you. They are telling you that there is a problem and their concerns are important. If you minimize them or discount them totally, your spouse will feel that they do not matter, and that their wants and needs will not matter and they will stop trying.

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